Baby Got Back; The Substance

An interestingly enjoyable movie, fitting for the spooky season. The body horror in this is phenomenal and a good take on the Hollywood need to be hot. Before mostly done by the old and rich, we now see a younger generation inject their body with substances to get that sexy look that is currently trending. A movie like this is needed as a reminder to always do your research before filling your body with an unknown substance. Now let’s spoil this movie.

Initially, I thought this movie was how main girl’s conscious mind would transfer over to the new hot body (younger self), but she would have to go back to her old body to stay alive. Instead, main girl, Elisabeth, produces a hot girl, Sue, who has her own conscious. And this isn’t apparent, at least for me, right away. Not until they start complaining to the owner about the other person, then I was like, oh, they are completely different people who share a life line. I would have made it the same conscious mind, but I’ll get into that later.

First, I want point out how I like her bright yellow jacket to resemble an egg yolk. Sadly, the movie continues making sure you understand everything going on by zooming in on any necessary information. When she meets the old man and they zoom in on his birthmark hand, yeah that makes sense that was hard to notice, yet when they zoom in on the word “were” on the card with the bouquet of roses to make sure you saw how they were talking about her in past tense, that’s a boo from me. I had noticed the specific writing the first time we got the shot of the room, thinking I was clever enough to notice the “were.” Then a few minutes later as we see Elisabeth contemplating her life, they make sure to show us the card again with a much closer zoom in on the word to bring the emphasis. This actually disappointed me a bit, because it felt like they didn’t think I knew what a past tense word meant.

Back to my initial thought of the movie, when Sue comes to life and starts rearranging the furniture, this seemed like the logical next step, because I assumed Elisabeth’s mind was in there and this was a way to symbolize her starting fresh again– but no, Sue is just selfish like that. Which makes sense why she was willing to sacrifice Elisabeth’s body right away. The reptile skin body suit was a nice touch in my opinion, not only to express the similarity with how reptiles shed their skin, but when the suit comes off to transition to the next scene. She had just extended her life past the seven day mark and, we the audience, have no clue what affects will occur, so when the zipper comes down and all her organs spill out, to then transition to Elisabeth waking back up like from a dream…chef’s kiss. Doing this again with the chicken/turkey leg on Sue’s body, they definitely knew how to make a person’s skin crawl.

My favorite part of the movie was the title cards. Not just for Elisabeth and Sue, but the final star, Monstro Elisasue. Having her boob stick out of the dress was a nice touch, especially since it’s a callback to the audition from earlier. Which actually makes no sense since Monstro Elisasue was not there for the audition and would have no clue what they said. The playback of the scene was for the audience, which is another boo from me. Also why did her backup dancers have their chest out? Like, I get that executives are pigs who want to sexualize women, but this is broadcasted on TV, for children to watch. There was a literal child in the audience watching; they zoomed in on her to make sure we knew that.

Now I may have enjoyed the silliness of Monstro Elisasue spinning in circles with blood spurting out, there was some silliness that did not stick. When Elisabeth turned old-old, she was strong enough to drag a giant picture frame, but frail enough to be kicked across the room. Either have her struggle with the picture frame more or have her not fall as far when kicked. But that’s probably just being picky.

Let’s discuss how I would have changed this movie. First, let’s talk about how they could have made this better with their same concept. Get rid of nurse dude and old man, or make them a bigger plot point. They’re like a half-baked idea. Why was the nurse guy related? Why was he trying to help someone else, Sue doesn’t care to find other candidates? When we meet his other, older self, he complains how the hot ones are selfish. With how mysterious the substance is, they should have just made it a random package in the mail. Her billboard was taken down and they were hiring for her position. It was publically out there that she was looking to be replaced and what better candidate than an attractive fitness/workout icon who is now considered too old? Then, include a scene where Elisabeth tries to communicate with Sue with like a note or letter, then Sue writes her own to complain. Both just ignore the other, thinking they’re ridiculous or just throwing it away without even reading, then same story plots. And then instead of one other number she notices when picking up her goods, there can be two other candidates, making her the third one in the test. We never have to see who the other two are, but it’s foreshadowing to the fact that she becomes three people total (old her, hot her, monster her).

Okay, now this is how I would have done it if they shared a conscious mind. Movie is basically the same, less complaints on the phone since she’s in both bodies. I feel like this would feel more impactful when Sue lives past the seven day mark, because technically Elisabeth made the choice to do so since it’s her mind. Then eventually it would follow a similar path of her staying in the hot body for too long and her old body would end up really old. In this change, when she transfers back to her old body, she can barely move and is crippled. With no other option, she switches back to her hot body immediately again, but it continues to have issues because she needs the stabilizer content from her old body. Which could then lead to her using the substance again to create the third body, an even more deformed and goo-like mess unable to move or operate her body at all. Leaving her there to die, watching her hot body lie there, unable to go back. And then it can zoom out to show her third deformed body resembling that of a yolk shape mesh of body parts.

Or to keep it related to the ending, her third body actually looks like her hot self again, but this is when her body starts to deteriorate, but she keeps going to the New Year show. Then instead of showing up as a monster, she looks okay until she smiles and she is missing most of her teeth (and fingernails when she was in the elevator). When she lifts her arms her skin starts to heavily sag and her body starts to fall apart. The audience does not like this, screaming and running away, people calling her an ugly monster, then she runs away. Her body slowly dropping lower and lower until she is a giant mesh of gross gunk. Then like how it ends, her body quickly decays overnight, into that green substance liquid. Cleaning guy cleans the liquid to reveal the star from the beginning again.

Having her be her own demise would elevate this for me. Technically, since she took the substance in the first place it is still Elisabeth’s fault, yet it’s Sue who ends up killing her and ruining her life. If she was the pilot in the body, then all the blame falls on her since they were all her choices. Just my opinion.