Motivation to Write

Recently­, there has been a lack of motivation to write.

Behind the scenes, most of my writing comes from me being passionate about a specific topic and writing it all out in one sitting. Currently, instead of writing, I’ve been consuming media. Going back to old shows, catching up with ongoing ones, and even watching video essays. I have another post in the works about me consuming media; I am saying it here now to motivate myself to go back and finish writing it.

Actually, I have several ideas drafted away just waiting for me to come back and finish writing them. My worry, is that I won’t have a lot to say. Now I know that’s just an excuse that really doesn’t matter, because as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m okay if I write smaller posts—but am I really? Every time I come back to write recently, only a few lines come to mind. I start to wonder on other things—other activities I’d rather be doing. In reality, I’m worried about how I am perceived as a writer. When typing out my posts they feel long. I feel like I have a lot being discussed and good points being made, but when looking over them once posted—they seem short. I visit other sites, thinking of spreading my work, and when I click a random persons post, the length looks far longer than mine and I get discouraged. “Others write more than I do.” “I’m not putting enough effort into my writing.” “A lot of people use pictures to help supplement their writing, but I don’t want to do that so I shouldn’t post here.” Thoughts like these come to mind and my motivation to write dissipates. Heck, even writing this out knowing people might read this makes me want to stop—but I shouldn’t. I should keep writing.

Sometimes I want to do a podcast or do my own video essay. I know I have the ability to talk for a long period of time, but would others care to hear it? Then I get worried about my content of the subject matter. What if I don’t do enough research and look dumb; I prefer to do my content off the cuff. My partner knows this well as I will ramble on nonstop once I start going. The type of content I like to watch, does not match the style of content I create. I respect those who do long formatted video essays. The stuff I do for my writing does not even compare and I could only imagine the time and effort it took them. But maybe one day, I’ll create my own. I do want to do a podcast, I’ve attempted before with a group of friends—but it was one and done. I realized that podcasts I enjoy the most, have multiple people talking back and forth, discussing. And that’s the type of podcast I want to do, but finding the right person(s) can be challenging. Maybe I’ll do a solo podcast in the future—who knows.

I do enjoy writing. The ability to create a whole world with just words fascinates me. That’s probably why I keep going back to play D&D even when most of my previous sessions abruptly stop. It’s also the reason why I keep going back to be the DM (dungeon master), so I can keep creating stories. Deciding to just write for myself was a big step. I kept looking for an excuse or a reason to write, when the most important reason was there all along. Why look for the motivation in others when I could look within? I’ve dealt with people who are always looking to make a profit off of the things they do. Any hobby, trying to make it another source of income or revenue. This could also be one of the reasons why I stopped pursuing podcasting, because I would want to create for fun, rather than profit. Once you start to worry how others perceive your own creations, you start to hide them away—or even stop creating all together. That could be why I haven’t shared my blog on social media. I’ve shared it with some friends, but even then I don’t believe they’re reading this. The only one I know who does read these is my partner, but I also don’t stop telling them when I create a new post.

Maybe I’m just worried. Writing has become a happy outlet for me and once people start adding negativity to it, I may not want to continue. I’ve gone back and forth with allowing/not allowing comments on my posts. I worry for the negative ones to discourage me, but I want to keep them open for the positivity. What if I bring random people together who become new friends. Just the other day, I left a comment on a post and a random person liked my comment. No comment back, but the positivity from that like, was pleasing. I shouldn’t hide my comments away, because maybe I can help someone else get that same feeling. Just like how I enjoy writing, maybe one day I could create a community of people who enjoy reading what I write. Feedback from others is nice, but that should not be the sole purpose of this. My worry of possible negativity should not discourage me from writing—but I should not continue writing in hopes of positivity from others.

I write for me. That, is my motivation.